6:15 wake up. Chat in bed, saying “pee! pee! pee! pee!” over and over. Make moms wonder “is he saying ‘pee’, or is he saying ‘play’? Because the two sound almost identical…”
6:30: Mommy gets up and discovers that you were indeed saying “pee” but thankfully weren’t talking about having peed in your bed despite having removed your sleep sack and nappy. Fight and kick while mommy puts new nappy on.
6:45: Get out of bed, resist being brought to sit on bed to get dressed. Fight and kick while mama takes off pj shirt, puts on clean t-shirt and jeans. Kick extra while mama is trying to put socks on.
6:48: creep up on mommy for ritual morning kiss and attempt to peel back covers. Be as loud as possible because mommy especially LOVES that in the morning.
6:50: be carried downstairs to prevent waking brother with a mad dash and tackle into his room and onto his bed (and him in bed).
6:52: smack Chuck (favorite doll) against closed mini-blinds. Try to help mama as she pulls up the mini-blinds. Pick the one blind that has separate strings so that only one side of the blinds goes up. (In the end, do indeed be helpful!)
7ish: be sure to stretch legs out as FAR as they go and consistently alternate lean of head so that it is as hard as possible for mama to see and tie shoes. Make mama mumble about children who can leave shoes with Velcro on their feet.
7:00: refuse food, throw bottle of PediaSmart all over to show people how VERY UNINTERESTED you are in food. But when brother comes down to eat Cheerios, stare intently at him while he eats. When offered a Cheerio, throw it.
7:30: Play with Chuck. Remove folded laundry from laundry baskets and distribute liberally around the living room. Run away when mama says things about how she hates doing work twice.
8:05: find coat when requested and cooperate when mama helps you put it on. Go outside to go to car but stop on deck to smell the day, look at everything, seek squirrels. Marvel at the fact recycling bins are not there. Ignore (patient) requests to come down deck stairs and go toward car.
8:08: finally go toward car. Reach out but think better of running fingernail along the headlights as you’ve finally realized that mama screeching and covering her ears is not a good thing. Try hard to open car door; accept help. Climb into big boy seat (facing forward now after 3+ years rear-facing). Try to help with seat belt.
8:10: exclaim “OHHHHH!” at everything that drives by or looks interesting, especially if it is a school bus. Explain important things to the others in the car about backhoes and orange construction cones. Wish, along with everyone else, that your mouth spoke the words your brain is thinking (damn dyspraxia). Say “bye!” and “ahvu!” to T when he gets out of car to go into school.
8:20: Exclaim “OHHHHHHHH!” at every big building downtown. Say “bye!” and “ahvu!” and give kisses to mommy when she gets out to go to work. Chatter happily to mama all the way home and point out the truck hauling a dumpster on the freeway. Make mama not hate driving as much today as she did yesterday.
8:40: finally deign to have breakfast. Try to help mama unload the dishwasher despite repeated explanations that the dishwasher is currently full of dirty dishes and shouldn’t be unloaded. Unload the drawer of plasticware instead while mama scrubs out bottles. Run away and stand in a corner when mama asks you to put the boxes and cups back in the drawer. Move the jar of honey from one shelf to another. Lick the outside of the honey jar, because that always makes mama nuts. Hear mama say something about needing coffee. Coffee? Go see about getting a taste of coffee.
9:15: there is no coffee yet. Dangit. Try to unload the drawer of pots and pans and get redirected. Why does mama keep talking about things being clean and it being better for them to stay in the drawer? What fun is that? Go check out the cat corner. OMIGOSH! THERE’S A CAT EATING! Watch mystified while the cat eats and then inform mama with great vehemence that the cat needs more water. Correct self to say ‘more eat’. Follow cat to living room. Try very hard to pet her gently, have difficulty controlling excitement and pat her a bit too hard. Be grateful that the cat is very patient.
9:45: follow mama into the porch when she steps out to recycle some papers and discover the box of Legos. Bring the Legos into the house. Play with them on the living room floor with moderate frustration. After 20 minutes, start to get really fed up and throw Legos. Much to her astonishment, take mama’s suggestion to clean them up. Help clean put them in the box while mama sings the clean-up song and then help to carry them back into the porch (?!!!) and then willingly return to the house (?!!!!!) when they have been returned to the porch. Stand next to end table and make suspicious squeaking noises. When asked by mama if you are pooping, adamantly shake head and say ‘NOOO!!’ which means yes. Get carried upstairs while mama explains about pooping on the toilet instead of in pants. Cheer for yourself when you proceed to do so. Cheer more when you flush the toilet yourself. Get angry when mama won’t let you eat the soap. Get angrier when mama insists you rinse all the soap off of your hands. Kick and wiggle as much as possible when mama tries to get a new diaper on you. Turn the ceiling fan on high while mama is washing her hands. Visit the study that your parents promise you will soon be your very own room. Try to lick the windowsill but find mama’s hand between your face and the window at the very last second. How does she always manage to do that?
10:10: start asking mama about watching Signing Time. Wiggle around excitedly and try to approximate signs you see. Convince mama to let you taste her coffee by signing (and kind of saying) “more coffee please”.
10:45: Signing Time is over; always a sad moment. Throw self dramatically onto couch. Regain composure when mama mentions the school bus. Go look for coat and backpack at mama’s request. Find backpack and become so excited that you forget the coat. Go back for the coat. Shake head frustratedly when mama tries to coach you on putting on your own coat by flipping it over your head. What is this ridiculous flip move, anyway, and why do all of the adults espouse it?
11:00: you have your coat and backpack on and are ready to go, but the bus does not come until 11:20. Go outside with mama. Help push the garbage bin back up the driveway and then pull the blue recycling bin up the driveway while mama brings the green one. Say ‘Yaaaaaaay!’ when mama thanks you for being helpful. Thrill mama with the fact that you look at street but do not run into it. Help mama pick dandelions and pull out dried hosta flower stalks. Carefully step over blooming tulips. As you are admiring one, your bus pulls up. Say hi to your new driver – he’s nice, but he’s not your darling former driver Cheryl – wave bye to mama and go sit in your seat where the driver buckles you into your harness. Wave bye to mama and blow kisses as the bus drives away.